I was — I am – a child of the ’80s. It’s a label and designation I embrace with a certain pride and a lot of fondness for the arts and culture of the decade, no matter what later generations have to say about it and how much it may be looked at as “cheesy” and “superficial” today.
Even so, I was shocked by the extent to which Michael Jackson’s passing this past week affected me. I cannot claim that I have considered myself a “fan” of his since the 80s, yet there is no denying that during my early teen years, he was legendary, and one of the primary entertainment figures of the time.
I was too young to appreciate “Off the Wall” when it came out (although that appreciation would come later in my adult years when it became the only MJ music I would regularly hear and listen to on our local radio stations, and still say, “Damn, that’s good.”) But I can distinctly remember the impact that “Thriller” had upon its release. I remember when Michael first did his moonwalk on U.S. television. I remember how myself and all my classmates tried to imitate it for weeks afterward. I remember how the premiere of any of his music videos was a major television event. I remember when it seemed no album could ever top “Thriller” and, in some ways, if one looks at the charts, no album ever has.
And yet, like many others, I became disillusioned with Michael in the years that followed. By the time “Bad” was released, he was already becoming a bit of a “joke” to some, a joke I laughed along with. I had passed into my later teen years and moved onto other music; in time, Michael’s music had become overshadowed to me by his weird behavior, the plastic surgeries, the accusations of child abuse and everything else. Michael was not someone who I thought had “relevance” any longer, but had become just a sad case of too much fame being gifted to someone who wasn’t equipped to deal with it, for whatever reason.
And yet, since the shocking news of his passing a few days ago, I’ve been struck as has, I think, many out there who had dismissed him for so long as nothing but some kind of sad joke. It’s as if we’d collectively forgotten how important he was to the way the music industry had evolved and changed; how incredible a performer he’d been; how much skill and craft could be found in his music. It was an eerie experience living in a big city where, from that afternoon on Thursday through even now, days later, every car driving by on the street seemed to be blasting “Billie Jean”, “Beat It”, or “Don’t Stop ‘Till You Get Enough”. Storefronts all through my neighborhood put up makeshift tributes and posters; everyone sitting out on their porch or steps had some commentary to make about Michael. I started listening to the music again for the first time in decades and was struck by how timeless so much of it was; I rewatched performances and was immediately transported back to the first time I’d ever seen them and my awe for what he was able to do. I felt tremendously sad for what was now lost, while at the same time I felt guilty for being yet another “bandwagon” jumper instead of a so-called “true fan” who had been with Michael all of this time.
And yet, the debate rages on about how his personal life must or should be reconciled with his artistic one. Some feel that the two cannot be judged separately; that his artistic legacy is forever tarnished or ruined by the things he did and/or was accused of doing (with or without concrete proof). Yet in a time when issues of childhood abuse and trauma are on the forefront of fandom thought, can we honestly criticize Michael Jackson’s actions without considering how his own suffered abuse no doubt shaped his later life and reported actions? I’m not sure, yet I don’t want to free him from all blame for his actions, either. Can we negate the influence he had on generations for his music, when in fact many classical artists universally revered today in academic circles would be condemned by the public for their personal behavior if it were revealed in the tabloids the way MJ’s was?
These questions are not raised to negate the severity of issues of child and sexual abuse, should they ever be concretely proven in MJ’s case. I only mention them as this is a man who has left a very complex and not at all neat and clean legacy. The same could be said of another music legend whose passing several years ago left me seriously affected, Warren Zevon. Warren was a raging alcoholic; someone who was regularly abusive to his friends and lovers; someone who suffered from severe mental problems, who according to articles and a biography by an ex-lover was pretty far from an admirable person. And yet, I cannot not love his music; I cannot deny the positive influence it had on my life regardless of his personal behavior. I cannot deny the pleasure I had from seeing him perform live on numerous occasions and how much I still love him today for his work, even if for nothing else.
Perhaps only time will be the judge. Perhaps it will only be in decades or even centuries that we are able to state who were truly the legendary and influential artists and creators of our time. I just have a feeling that Michael is going to end up on that short list, and I feel it was tragic that it took such a turn of events for many of us to realize this.
